All things go

That title has so relevance to anything, but it was relevant in my mind. I am up, what else is new. I actually have the urge to write. How splendid. I worked my first 8 hour shift at work today, and I am exhausted. Along with this exhaustion, I feel fatigued and very hungry. I am too lazy to get up and get something to eat though, so I will wind up getting low blood sugar and then I will HAVE to go get something to eat. I only ever torture myself in this way when I ache. By ache I mean that I have a migraine, my feet are going to fall off from standing for so long, and so on. I am coming to realize that this entry will be complete rubbish, so I think I will quit whilst I am ahead. Too many "i"s any way. FAIL.




Until another time, which will most likely be in the nearest future

Revelations

Up again, it's late and I don't seem to be tired. This is a routine, again. I dislike it greatly, although it does fuse creativity through me. This, is a good thing, and I like good things. I have been in a very contemplative state tonight, this is also a good thing. Yet it seems to trouble my conscious. I am happy going to college, I am experiencing something so new to me. It is a challenge, but my heart seems to want to be in two places at once. On one hand it wants to me to be expressing myself in what I seem to love most, cooking and the art that is food, and then there is the other half. This half is yearning for knowledge, knowledge that culinary can't seem to provide. This is pure knowledge. I crave every aspect of the college experience, and I have made it a goal in my heart to myself to go to college for as long as possible. Tonight I decided that I want both, but in which order to how I want them is what I seem to be struggling with. I am torn, I want it all. I feel silly for being so ambitious, because I know for a fact it is too much for me to chew, but god how badly I want it. My hands reek of hard labor from the kitchen, the onions I chopped, the garlic I minced, the tomatoes I peeled, soaked, and cooked. I put all my heart into my cooking and I always get the desired results. This en-turn makes me so happy, makes others happy, nourishes those I love. I can't seem to get enough of the self pleasing act. My hands used to be forever stained blue from writing constantly. I can't seem to find it in me to sit down and write. I release all my emotion through cooking, vigorously stirring harsh batters by hand to get the full effect, delicately sifting the finest of flour for the lightest of sweets. It goes both ways, I can let everything out through this art. It is such a different medium for me. I am growing to become what I have always wanted, but the funny thing is this, I don't know what I have become, I only know the feelings. This extreme reign of wholesomeness. I know it is because of the food. I know this because I could see it on my grandmothers face as a child while I watched her slave for hours making everything by hand for seven greedy stomachs to devour pure happiness. I feel so daft thinking about food this way, but it really is a passion. I wish to express it to its fullest extent, but I know I will have to give up ambitions to fulfill this desire, at least for the time being, but knowing me, I will change my mind and want to go off to Berkley and become a journalist. I KNOW!, I will combine both. All of my love and heart will do both ambitions justice. I can do both. I will do both. Whatever it takes, I am ready for it. To be whole I need both. Great thinking old gal. See, whilst expending my love for one passion I slowly realize what I need to do to be happy. Go to culinary school, go to college, get my degrees, open my bakery, write about it, become a food critic, there is so much to come from this now. I really feel silly not thinking of this before now, but it truly makes sense. I think I have just been so caught up in the midst of having friends who enjoy my company, and really haven't sat down to weight the options. Good for you! This playlist has done justice. Like I have stated before, the music I listen to really seems to fuel my writing. I feel so happy and relieved. There you go Andrew, how is that for happy?



I hope to start making this blog useful. I think it might help my insomnia.


good night world, this is but the first step.