I am up surprisingly early, feeling a strong sense of nostalgia. I know this shall pass soon, but with this rain and the darkness of my room, I can't help but to be wrapped up in it- it is making me so very very sad. I shouldn't have spent that much time with Matt. I just need his company again, but I don't know how to go about letting myself do that. I am not the person he knows anymore. At least I don't feel that way anymore. I have to lie so much, still. It tears me apart. The list rolls on and it has been this way with him forever. I guess there are somethings that he doesn't need to know. They are mine for the keeping and that is that.
Other than the feeling of nostalgia, I am somewhat at peace. This rain is lovely. I really wish my certain someone was here to snuggle with me and keep my body from aching the way it does. I hope my plans will fall through this Friday and I will be able to see Mike. It would really lighten my overall mood.
This post is weak, and I really have nothing else to enter here. Perhaps I will write later on in the day. Sleep is calling at me again, I don't think 5 hours constitutes as a good nights sleep.
Until next time.
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