Not now, not tonight.

Yet again, up at an ungodly hour. I cannot seem to get back to sleep. The vicodin I was given is now wearing off. I can feel the terrible pain in my neck begin to resurface. It is hot on my skin, I can feel my muscle throbbing. These past few nights I have been sleeping with ease, and tonight- something ails me. I have so much surging through my mind at this hour, and it will not cease and let me sleep. I really don't know how to explain the emotion, but it isn't pleasant. I mean don't get me wrong I couldn't be happier having such an amazing person by my side, but in the last 24 hours, I have been afflicted with so much animosity that my mind is going crazy. Why would one person act in such a way? I was everything and then some, and I get treated so badly. This applies to more than one situation. It irks me so much sometimes, to think that people can actually live like that. To what extent does one get off being a complete and utter prick, towards everything? Wow, now that I think about that a little more, it truly does apply in both instances. I am talking about two different people, and two different scenarios, but- both are applicable. It is lovely, in a sense, how things work that way. Regardless of the douche-baggery, I am chipper at heart. I wish I was able to expel my anger, but something is telling me not to, not now.

I am promising myself this year that I am going to write- under all circumstances. I will write, no matter what. I know I need to oil up my gears and get cracking. It is something I enjoy greatly, but criticize far to much. I need to stop this, and just write. Write on every surface I have, come up with more one liners. If I can't create the painting, I will at least be its first spark. I am just so fucking inspired lately, and I can't be letting all of it go to waste. So, Felicia. no matter what! You must write. Let it all out- no matter how much you don't like it. There is bound to be one person who will enjoy your thought process. I know this to be true, and I am most certain this person is soundly asleep next to me.

This entry is long, but what to you expect from me at such an hour. I am tired, and my body aches with every stroke of the keys, but I am fueled- by what, I really don't know. The anger has slipped my mind, and is only to come back when I even mention the fact that I was angry, or upset. I am sure it will resurface, it always does- that, on the other hand is for a later date. I believe the winds are fueling my writing frenzy this morning. Everything depends on the weather for me, at least I like to think so. Then again, I am weird, and think the oddest things have significance. Fuck, perhaps they do! Anyhow, tick tock tick tock. Mind is wandering and not picking anything up to bring back to me. Where do I go? I could go way out of left field, but I think it would be too much. Not now, not tonight. Yet again, my mind rings out telling me not to so silly things. That voice- so tiny, yet so bold.




Bahhhh, shit. I think I am done. I still feel like there is something to say though.