I wonder if I will be able to write today. I am in a weird state so I am sure something shall break the surface- It always does when I seem to be feeling this way.


My fingers fumble around the keyboard like a clumsy girl who has had too much to drink. I wish I had too much to drink right now. I am sober, hot and sticky. These are all very unpleasant feelings to have. I want the cold weather back so much, but it has to be summer, the only things to look forward to in these desolate months is my birthday, and a few others. In the winter you can anticipate the rain or snow and the changes of the leaves. So much beauty in those months. Nothing changes in the summer, all you get is heat, and more heat. Yet again, something I don't fine pleasant, in the least bit.

What could I possibly write about?

My lack of money flow, my terrible spending habits along with my sleeping and eat habits. They are all atrocious. I wish I could snap my fingers and POOF I would have a job with money saved up and I would have my ferret and yummy food in the house. Unfortunately shit like that doesn't happen. Even in the movies there is some sort of repercussion and then the main character has to deal with some heavy shit. I don't want that, I already have enough shit to deal with.


Nothing to write really, I simply seem to be wasting time now. My mind is completely out of practice, all I want to do is sleep, smoke, drink and eat. Nothing more, nothing less. I know once I have that fucking job it will get my ass into gear, but until then I am stuck. I hate being stuck, is isn't fun. I don't know how Mike deals with this. He keeps such a straight face, I know he is struggling, but I can't keep it together like he does. I pout and sigh and wine about it all. Life is hard, I know this. I wish it wasn't, but it is and it sucks. This is all I want in life right now:

A job with Urban Outfitters
Money in the bank
An apartment or loft
Food in my fridge
Gas in my car
A white ferret name Unagi
More tattoos/clothes

That is it, that is all I want and I KNOW I will be happy. Simple simple, but getting a job is the hardest part. I know once I am working for something I will be able to sleep at night, save my money and persevere and get the shit I want/need. Time isn't on my side right now either, it seems to wither so fast. Especially these past few months. Time is a sneaky bitch too, it takes my money and my hopes when it passes. Sly sneaky unforgiving bitch! - Time that is


I suppose I am done, for now.